Dusty Dreamin'

I like posting my dreams here, it seems like the right place to do it, especially with the type of dreams I have. Last night I had a dream about the long lost Dusty. I guess I really miss her sometimes. Its funny because we only got close in a couple of months and then she was off. I woke up this morning with one of her songs running rampant through my head; The Inevitable Night and Beer Goggles. My absolute favorite song from her album is Poison Apple. The first time I heard it I knew it could be a mega hit. It has just enough hard rockin guitar, awesome lyrics... I mean really awesome, this girl truly rocks, and the right amount of screaming. I love it love it love it. I really wish there was a way to link to it here on this blog to share it with all of you. I am presently letting it seep in through my ears to sooth my soul and light me up. This could very well be the soundtrack to that last fucked up dream I posted here.

So in the dream last night, and it was a full colour, packed with people type of dream, Dusty just kind of walked in. I looked at her and could hardly believe it was her. There were other important people in my dream and we were all in this old broken down house. Worn-out skeleton of a home that used to be. I don't even know what the fuck we were doing there, just that we were there together. I kept waking up, and looking at the clock and then when I would fall back to sleep, I would be right back in the house, with James, and Dusty, and hmm others I can't see as clearly. Those two stand out the most. So this isn't really an interesting dream post... this is a tribute to Dusty post. Another excellent song on her album; I like to Kill People. It really works for those ultra frustrating moments. Ah fuck it, the whole album deserves honorable mention, it's called Dusty: Justin, Jesus & Me. You can pick it up at any of your local "where Dusty is now" locations. So Dusty babe, this one is for you, I am missing you and I hope that life is bringing you the success you deserve. MUAH

Again the Sun 

The Sun 

Christopher Walken For President 2008?

this guy is a good actor. im not sure about you guys but i think hes really fucking scarey lol. but then agian remember in mouse hunt when he was an exterminator and he ate the mouse shit off the floor to see how fresh it was? . no i do... and i think its so rad hes running for presedent.
i wonder if hes crazy. :)

shopping with bee

i got pictures taken like this one b4 and i was thinking about more.
i think i'll get them ... but this post is just more like.... well.... this is my excuse to show this one off on here. hehe. im such an internet sleeze. they love it



anyways how about read post ish info crap.
i did mushrooms with one of my roommate on sunday so fun, i miss doing them but i dont liek to dazzle myself with drugs to often anymore since i started noticing the people i surround myself with when i do aren't exactly the type of people i like. but mushrooms is one of the less harmfull ones ive tried. someone didn't make them in a bathtub. or cut it with some unknown substance to me. so it makes me feel a bit safer doing them but i guess all in all its still poison. but while we consumed that poison me and tracey were making fun of the lady downstairs i think she could hear us we were pretty loud it was so funny though shes a harsh crazy old lady. and we crawled around on the floors like mushheads do and looked at our totally funky ceiling. watched cartoons laughed till we cried. and then when 4 am rolled aorund we felt the need to dress in cloaks and slither around in the front yard while setting off fire crackers and roman candles it was very delightful. i enjoyed every second of it... till i ending up triping over the cloak i was wearing and face planting myself into the grass. but even after that it was still pretty fun.



today i went xmas shopping with my friend brayden hes cool. hes kinda short. but hes super cool he got me into watching this totally rad cartoon called invader zim. aparently its old. but im young so that explains that. also cuz of him/ tracey i am now a fan of johny the homicidal maniac. very cool. but anyways enought about that back to my story i went shopping today at the mall and i bought crap for my family im almost done my xmas shopping and its not even december. wow how trained am i? zellers beat the holiday season into me. im so glad i dont work there anymore. lol. they sucked anyways. now im off to become the good little dental field something my mom wants me to be. jk... i accually want it more than she does. either that or everyone thinks im a total freak for this but id kinda want to run/ work at a funeral home. but its a nice quit enviroment. i duno i think it would be ok. anyways im kinda tired so i think im gunna go to sleep soon.
yay trudy i posted.
haha
-Carla

what had to be done 

vessel of righteous anger 

What needs to be done at all...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed that my love and I were walking, alone together. On our way home, through the back streets of some city, we got close to the woods, which were not inherently menacing but held some evil none the less. There were three of them to begin with. Three boys, not much older then boys anyway, sitting on their bikes, watching us. I became afraid, hoping they would let us pass but in a way knowing that fear, as such a rich surrender of power, is virtually irresistible to those who crave it. Still we decided not to turn back. Then they were chasing us; my love and I ran in two opposite directions'… he got away. They had me and I was struggling. Twisting, fighting biting and screaming. He heard me and ran back, and yet when he got to us, he did nothing but hang his head in his hands. I saw him and cried. Why isn’t he stopping them? Why isn’t he fighting for me? As my body fought the wrongness they were forcing upon me I thought to myself, ‘This is the way he is going to save us'. Not a question, just comprehension. I cried for him, I cried for me, I never stopped fighting them. There were other girls there too, not victims but accomplices, laughing and taking cruel enjoyment out of my futile struggle. I have visions of their nasty faces peering down at me. The 'not quite boys, not yet men' were all wearing blue collar shirts and clean-cut, pretty boy hairstyles. I can still remember the smell of the woods, the feeling of dampness beneath me, of rocks and sticks jabbing into my back as they violated the rest of me. They slew my being, stole my power. When it was over they let us go, we walked home and did not speak, did not touch. I was seething, but not at him'… I did not hold any blame in my heart for his not helping me, only sadness that it could not be so when I needed it most. Once we arrived at our destination, I found what I was looking for; a righteous vessel for my anger and indignation. I left the house, left my love and did not tell anyone my intentions. I went back to the woods and found them all. I felt the awareness of my love and loved ones turn towards my actions as I aimed the gun at each and every one of those mother-fuckers hearts' and pulled the trigger. I did what needed to be done and I felt only grim resignation and some remorse that it needed to be done at all.

This dream reminded me of a dream I used to have when I was much younger. In this other dream I was in the desert somewhere. The kind of desert that has giant messa's and rock formations. My brother and I were teachers, or helpers-I'm not sure which, at this private school in the middle of nowhere. One day we can see those rock formations starting to shake, and for some reason we all understand that it means some evil menace is coming. So my brother and I begin herding all the children to some safer, lower floors, but not fast enough. Suddenly there are all these monsters; they resemble filthy little children, but with long sharp claws and red eyes and cruel mouths full of pointed sharp teeth. They are trying to kill the school children. I continue to try to get the students to a safe place until I notice that the monsters have started attacking my brother. I go berserk. I grab a huge butcher knife and I begin slaughtering the monsters, stabbing and hacking until there are NONE left. When its over I am standing there covered in blood, gripping this bloody knife feeling shocked at my actions... but convinced that it had to be done.

When I woke up this morning I felt so disturbed, fucked up. I wondered 'what the fuck does that mean?' I wanted to cry, but couldn't.

Got Religion?

Recently I have met more seriously religious people in one area than I have in many different places in years. When I say seriously religious, that does have a range that moves from the almost fanatical, to the resolved small time sinner. Yet at both ends of this spectrum I have been surprised at the faith, or at least blind obedience to their archaic belief system.

The first of these creepy yet enlightening encounters came at my very own door in the shape of two Jehova's Witness women. The leader was a woman in her early thirties, or quite possibly late, very oppressed teens who politely asked me what my bumper sticker meant. (I'll get back to that one) The other was a young girl, maybe 12 years old wearing a hopeless frumpy frock but with big beautiful, inspired eyes. I could see that the girl was at an incredibly influential stage and was very curious about me in an innocent and yet intense way. It suddenly mattered to me what this girl thought, and what she would take away from this meeting with this heathen. So I heaved a big sigh and put away my smart ass for a moment.

My bumper sticker (the only one I have) says: Goddess Bless. I love it, I put it on almost the very day I got the car. Anyway, so I said to the polite, determined, witch burner; "It is a blessing." She looked worried and more determined and said;
"But, you do realize that God is male." I had to give her credit for her balls.
"Well I am female and so I relate to the Goddess within me... " She opened her book and cut me off,
"It states very clearly that God is male here in this passage." and she goes on to recite some passage that I cannot at this moment recall. When she finished I smiled at the young girl and said,
"Honestly, I do not believe that God is concerned with what I call him or her, as long as I am a good person and have faith." Of course the woman could not allow this and spouted the good ole, "thou shalt not worship a false idol" on me and I decided that it was not balls that she had, but blindness to her own brand of blasphemy. To think that she should know better, should know the mind of her God because a book or a priest says so...!
I turned to the young girl again, who smiled at me and waited expectantly for my next bit of gentle wisdom. I wanted to grab her and pull her inside the house, to protect her. Probably so did the other woman. I said;
"All God's are one. It does not matter what you think you are supposed to call God, we are only human, we make mistakes. It's forgivable. I do not believe what you believe, I am sorry." She looked heart broken that I wasn't going to argue with her, or get nasty. Maybe she was desperate to save my soul cause the next thing she said was;
"We will pray for you." It caught me by delightful surprise. How wonderful! And so I said, quite emphatically;
"Thank You! Thank you very much, that is wonderful." The young girl beamed at me, I think just became her hero, and the woman just looked confused... she had no idea what to do with me and so just quickly herded the girl away.

Afterwards I had wished that I had had a bible handy, we could have had us a whopping good time of "Let's quote the bible to prove our point!"

The next experience was... well I think I will save that one for next time, I have been typing all day and my finger is actually starting to cramp. Ow.

To:	~*Distorted Reflection*~
Date:	Nov 9, 2005 12:59 PM
Subject:	RE: No Subject
Body:	im not a fucking walking std. and just because i didn't want to hang around people who do drugs all the time doesn't mean that i treat berger like shit you guys treated him way worse than i ever did you guys only wanted to hangout with him whenever he had money for drugs so i wouldn't say shit about how to treat anyone. berger told me your one of the most annoying people he knows, and that you need to have a shower every now and then, so dont act like hes your best friend. and when you say you let me stay with you for free, you say it like i had no where else to go, it wasn't even your fucking house i offered to pay rent there but dusty and roy are the ones who said i didn't need to. and like i give a shit if im friends with you anymore we were never that close anyways thank god it would have been a huge waste of my time your no better than carley, a user. dont send me emails anymore i dont want to know you i dont want to talk to you i feel like less of a person just knowing who you are. btw i'll go back to chilliwack whenever i please. so why dont you just go snort another rail and see who can look the most like they crawled out of a garbage can cuz god know that wont be hard you practically live in one. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From:~*Distorted Reflection*~ Date: Nov 4, 2005 7:55 PM You know carla you're really fucking pathetic. We let you live in our home for free and this is the way u fucking act? Your a dumb fucking cunt and i regret ever being your friend. And just so you know, everyone in chilliwack thinks your a walking STD. I wouldnt bother ever coming back here, your definitely not wanted. And stop treating berger liek shit, he's way better then you, and if you dont smarten up hes gunna fucking realize it too.

the above is a nasty email i got on myspace and what i wrote back ...~*Distorted Reflection*~ is a friend or ex friend angela that i am no longer speaking with
it sucks getting emails like this... but it felt so fucking good after i sent mine back . :)
lol the boy in the email "berger" was my ex... we're friends now, i moved and hes moving here cuz i hates chilliwack and would rather live up here and be my friend then live there and know them.
i love my berger. <3

wave dancer 

Dance Dance Dance

Well I went out and found the next best outlet for my frustration... dancing. My girlfriends and I went out last night, I had my son staying at my cousins, and I took advantage of my freedom. We went to the bar that we knew would not be overly crowded so that we could actually have room to dance. There was a pretty good DJ chick there and so the music was pretty consistent.
We danced strait for a good three and a half hours. I must have lost about 5 pounds in sweat, and it was soooooo good. Probably the only thing I could do, short of ravaging some poor, unsuspecting man, to release all the energy I have pent up. I came home quiet exhausted, and smiling. It truly is almost as good as sex... it's as sweaty anyhow.

A bonus is that my girlfriends love to dance like I do and together we are hands down the best dancers to shake our asses in that bar, and shake them we do! Another sweet thing is that we all like to dance like there's no one watching, so there's not really any self-conscious shuffling of the feet. Both my roommate and I are belly dancers and so we like to mirror each other and gyrate accordingly. Its an incredible workout, and a good excuse to get our freak on and go gorgeous.

So this morning I woke with a smile on my face. I am still fairly frustrated, but now at least I don't feel quite like exploding, and I think I will make it through this last lonely week without committing any crime. Tomorrow I might go do a steam and hot tub, maybe lift some weights first. I think if I keep my body working and my mind busy, I will be ok. Dancing is my savior.

who could resist? 

By the Way...

Just a thought to share. I am so fucking sex deprived it's getting insane. I don't even want to use my vibrator, it would be like the worst kind of sex, completely impersonal and ultimately unsatisfying... besides I would never want to become one of those women who are perfectly happy having a battery operated lover. I want the real thing BADLY. *whine*

I can't handle having my love so far away for so damned long. I am about to EXPLODE. What am I to do? I know I can always have women lovers, but honestly, that is not what I am craving... its at these times that I recognize how unfair the idea is that it's ok to sleep with other women but not other men... to me... there's no difference what-so-ever, besides the, um... desirable parts that is.

I am going fucking crazy... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, switch... Crazy fucking going am I...
I guess there really is no rest for the wicked.

Love those Fucking Freaks!!

My friends are a wild pack of frenzied freaks who love to dress in very little and get grabby. I love to party with them all. I have a no-age-limit policy. Well maybe not totally... I am not going to let some 13 yr old come and party at my house with us, but some of my friends are no older then 17 and I am not their mother so they can do whatever the fuck they please. I have always loved when age gaps get closed and people just enjoy being with each other... we have a lot we can learn from each other without having to get all preachy about it, lets just have fun.

Something that my girlfriends and I have in common, and I guess not only the girls but mostly, is that we all have a flare for costumes. We love to dress up, or down as the case may be, so Halloween tends to be the perfect time of year for us to stretch our creative exibitionist legs. A group of my friends who rent a house together had a costume party on Friday night. It turned out to be a right good debaucherous affair with some of the sexiest costumes I have ever seen. I do wish right now that I had some way of posting some pictures of it here, and I will try, but for now you will just have to live with my descriptions.

We had two incredibly sexy nurses... the kind you pray to wake up to in the middle of a hospital sponge bath. I donned my sweet belly dancing costume with scarves and a coin bra. There was the bunny!! Her tail got molested all night long, poor thing, and the lingerie princess with her frilly panties and corset. Then there was an evil Alice, the cream cheese angel, a brothel girl, my little toy on a leash and two Daisy Duke's... and the list goes on and on. As for the hot guys, we had two Frank's ~ the giant freaky bunny who is only relevant to those of us who loved the movie Donnie Darko, a demon, an 80's left-over with a mullet and perv stash, a grotesquely well-endowed Batman, a motorbike accident victim, and a cowboy... and that list goes on and on as well. The place was packed and people were REALLY friendly... Lots of grabbing and laughing and more then a couple girls were trying to put their tongues in my mouth. Its a helluva good romp.

Well last night was one of the Frank's birthday's, yes he is a Halloween baby, and so we had a costume party here. I ditched the belly-dancer thing and got some fangs fitted, the kind that look real, and a red feather boa to go with my sexy black dress with the open back. Yes it felt really good to be a blood sucker, I got to bite many people. Again it was an evening when the freaks show their colours... my girlfriends and I have no problems what-so-ever with sexy women. In fact we thoroughly enjoy being sexy women together. So out come the corsets and frilly panties, the stockings and feathers, oh and don't forget the fangs... what more could you ask for in a costume party... it seems in this case that gorgeous seems to attract gorgeous because together we tend to create a sight that could give a frail man a heart-attack.

I hope that your Halloween fun was as good for you as mine was for me, and if not, well you might consider coming out west next Halloween... Aaaaooooooooooooooowwww