Temptation- Part 1

I can understand why someone would put the line "lead me not into temptation" into a prayer. It seems like a very smart and unfortunately common thing to pray for. However, the sheer fact that it is such a common occurrence, temptation that is, would suggest to me that just possibly temptation is not what we think it is.

I have always, for as long as I have been having relationships, been the person who questions the sense of monogamy. I guess it began because no matter how much I loved the person I was with, it never truly stopped me from wanting other people. For a time my lover may occupy me so much that I have no use or notice of other people, but generally there comes a time, when I desire other lovers. There was one relationship I had in which my desire for others came when my relationship was failing. We were fighting all the time, and eventually sex became an issue between us. That seems to be a likely and totally understanding time to start feeling something for other people, but that is the only time it ever happened that way. I never did cheat though, even if our relationship sucked and was ending... for the record, I understood that my partner did not want me having sex with other men, especially if I did not seem to be wanting it with him and I respected him as well as myself too much to do that.

In every other relationship I have had, which I have eventually desired another lover, it has not been at a bad point, or because of a shitty sex life. It is just how I feel, basically what happens to me. The shitty part is that most people are monogamous and want to have monogamous relationships, so I always end up in one. I have been asked how I would feel if my lover went off and fucked another woman, and to tell you the truth, if I actually envision it in my mind, then ya sure it hurts like hell. We all have a lot of self-worth, and security wrapped up in the sexual act as if it's some precious gift to withhold or exchange depending on value. So if the person we love is sharing that so-called gift with someone else, it can hurt us to think about it. I understand this intellectually and emotionally. I do not believe that sex is such a credit to barter, I believe it is a pleasurable interaction that people choose to have with each other, akin to a really great and deep conversation, only way more fun.

I understand that it can hurt to be faced with the thought or conscious knowledge that your lover has other lovers, but I also know that it is because of our social conditioning that we feel this pain, not because it is some fundamental moral issue to choose to be intimate with whomever you desire. As long as you are being respectful and caring in all of your relations, then there is nothing morally wrong. The morally wrong part would be lying if you were confronted or expected to confess your deeds. I feel that because of the obvious pain that most people would feel when confronted with the deeds of their lover, then it seems the likely course of action would be to not discuss it unless totally necessary. This of course would have to be mutually agreed upon prior to any 'extra-curricular' activities to avoid the whole lying and confronting thing, so for this to work, the people involved have to both feel the same way about intimacy and possession.

Yes I know this is just way too complicated, and would be a difficult thing to approach if you have any insecurity what-so-ever, which we all do to varying degrees. Most people would just throw their hands up and say "fuck it". Maybe for them its easier to just cheat, or to pretend or ignore the fact that they find other people attractive, I don't know, but I imagine this very complicated issue is at the heart of many unhappy people. I don't want to be unhappy... or unfulfilled, or to lie to myself... or to cheat, and so I am one of those people who tries to figure this shit out.

What do you do when you are happily 'married' and yet you want to have that intimate interaction with someone else?
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